Friday, March 6, 2009


The feedback from my last post has been overall pretty helpful in gaining perspective...I welcome more! I do want to clarify that by no means are we walking around here in the doldrums or dreading this experience. On the contrary, we're savoring it, full of hope and excitement (and a good deal of frustration that we don't yet have the funds in place to complete the next step)...we want to get on with it, already! We're all feeling was so cute just yesterday; Andrew was sitting at the table working on his math, and he was (not uncharacteristically) daydreaming.

A: "Mom, I just can't wait till we get baby Karis."
Me: "Neither can I! What makes you most excited?"
A: "I just want to see what she looks like and to help take care of her."

Me: "Well, it will be a long while till she comes home."
A: "You still have a lot of paperwork to do, right?"

Too true!

My "Weighty" post was more of an effort on my part to get my mind around where my heart already is...and if you're reading this blog, I apologize that some parts are such a rough ride! Have you ever heard the quote, "To have a child is to forever have your heart wandering outside of your body"? I may not be quoting it exactly, but you get the jist. I'm sure we all have witnessed a heartbreaking moment of pain that our children have had to endure, despite our best efforts to protect them. But as my sister reminded me, adopted or not, another skin color or not, each of our kids will experience pain that we can't protect them from, and they will be resilient and it will make them stronger people. And a friend of mine who has one daughter (from an unnamed country so as to protect her privacy since I didn't yet ask her permission to post this) :) and is in the process of adopting again says, "it's been my experience that there are very few truly rude and stupid people or comments." She also reminded me that the stories you hear are the "worst case" scenarios of prejudice or lack of bonding or identity issues or, or, or...and that the chances of even one "worst case" happening to us was highly unlikely, let alone all of them!

When it comes down to it, there are many aspects of adoption that can be scary, which is fine as long as the fear turns into dependence on God so that you aren't scared away. Like I've said before, just because something is hard doesn't mean that it's not right...and it will all be worth it when we finally hold our baby girl in our arms.

1 comment:

Heather said...

You are right, it will all be worth it when you hold your baby girl in your arms. Ironically enough, when I adopted my daughter, the whole process reminded me a lot of when my sister and I were both pregnant at the same time. I invited her to attend my Lamaze classes, but she thought it was a waste of time. I gave birth in September that year and it was an exciting experience because I knew what to expect. When she gave birth the next month in October, she was surprised by everything (and actually mad at our mom for not telling her more of what to expect). Adoption, like child birth is a unique experience, different in many ways for each family. And there are many experiences that will be similar. I have been so grateful for the authors of books I've read that help me to be aware of potential challenges. When my daughter was in preschool, other little children would often dispute that I was her mother because I had white skin and her skin was brown. My daughter was very forthcoming with the fact that she was adopted which explained away their curiosity. In gradeschool when a child was angry with my daughter they would taunt her about being adopted or say, "at least I don't have a dumb white mom". If she had not been adopted these children would still have found something to taunt her about. It's life, we all go through it. When my daughter is teased about being adopted, and told her "mom" didn't want her, it makes my heart ache. But the Lord will help you know what to say and how best to comfort her. We celebrate her adoption day each year by going to a restaurant of her choice, and I share with her the story of going to pick her up and what I thought the first time I laid eyes on her. Last year, I felt she was old enough to hear the letter the foster mother wrote about the week she spent with her and her husband. My daughter was delighted. I know she feels very loved and wanted. Back to my original point, with my sister and me, I think it's important to know that there will be challenges, uniquely your own, so you can prepare for them and know how you will handle them. If people are rude, how will you respond? Those first few weeks I was forever getting unsolicited advice from strangers on how to care for my daughter's hair and skin. So I researched everything I could on the subject and became very adept. As she has grown, her hair has been her crowning glory, at times her long hair has been down to her waist, very unusual for "Black" hair. Instead of negative comments and advice, women stop me wanting to touch her hair and ask what products I use on it. It never hurts to be prepared for a challenge, even if the challenge never comes you are a bit wiser.